I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
