Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She needs sedatives and a leash
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
