Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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