i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
