I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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