Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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