I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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