Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
