sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
