we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
