Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
