Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
