I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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