I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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