I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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