you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize