Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
