I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
