It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
