Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
