Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
