At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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