I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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