i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
