4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
