You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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