So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
