i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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