At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
