whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
