Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
