I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
