before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
