Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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