she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
