I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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