This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
