My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
