No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
