i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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