spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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