Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
