I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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