2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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