Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
