Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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