Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
