there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
