Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
