puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
