The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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