Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
