There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
