All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
