Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
