I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
