Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
