I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
