you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
