Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
