why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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