I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
