The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
