i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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