i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
