I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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