Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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