The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize