My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Drake has all the answers
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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