So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
