yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
