I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
