I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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