Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
